Someone hadn’t scarred my face.
I hadn’t followed my dreams to LA.
That tweaker hadn’t attacked that homeless guy.
I hadn’t invited a stranger over for Thanksgiving.
I hadn’t fallen in love.
If I hadn’t lost him.
I hadn’t gone for that drive.
I saw the world like everyone else.
My “genius” wasn’t slowly destroying me.
I had just walked away before I could ever know her.
She hadn’t ignited the spark.
If the spark didn’t ignite the madness.
Her cries looked like shards of glass, a sour flavor assaulted my taste buds, my fingertips felt like they were being pricked with needles. They would not snuff her light, they would not dull her laughter. She was the only thing in this world that connected me to my old self. Suddenly I cared again, if only for that moment. Those sick fucks would not hurt her.
My numbness was mangled from the inside with a fury that detonated like a bomb. I didn’t even feel the knife as it dug into my flesh.
That girl, for some reason, I couldn’t shut it off with her. I saw her just as vividly as I used to see everything.
She made me want to create again. That was dangerous. Far more dangerous than anything these stupid muggers could have done. I had to keep the desire at bay or else I would lose control. Because my art destroys the people I care about. It turns me into a monster.
Up until that point, the redheaded girl who shined like a beacon in the mist was an empty threat. There was an invisible barrier, where girls like her didn’t see guys who lurked in alleyways. I was safe from her ability to break through to the parts of my brain that had been made dormant through copious amounts of medication.
Yet, somehow, there she was, seeing me. Glimmering in the dark alleyway like some sort of guardian angel that I didn’t want.
I tried so hard not to exist, but she was forcing me to. She was forcing me to partake in life.
I wanted to die, but she forced me to live.
And I wasn’t happy about it.
About Nina G. Jones
Nina G. Jones is the author of the bestselling novel DEBT, the Strapped Series and the erotic romance, Gorgeous Rotten Scoundrel. She wants to say something clever here, but all her good material goes into her characters.
Nina currently resides in Milwaukee, WI with her husband and two crazy Boxers.
Her first new adult romance, If, releases on March 16th, 2015 under the moniker N.G. Jones.
Nina LOVES connecting with readers. You can connect with her via Facebook, Twitter, or email her through her website, NinaGJones.com.
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