We are very pleased to bring you this EXCLUSIVE from author Rachel Blaufeld!!! Here are her TOP TEN BLUSHING MOMENTS!!!
Thank you so much to the gals at Schmexy for sharing my new release, Absolution Road.
You know what? Jesey was one of the first people I met in the indie book world, inside a crowded book signing. In the middle of everything she scribbled her email down on a piece of hot pink paper. I still smile every time I think about it, and obviously…I have an excellent memory.
Especially when it comes to remembering my…
TOP TEN BLUSHING MOMENTS:
10. Back in middle school, everyone was talking about “blow jobs.” I had NO idea what they were talking about. So, I asked my mom…flat out. It wasn’t one of her most poised moments! We haven’t talked about it since.
9. In college, my grandparents came to visit for the weekend, and my grandmother caught me in bed with a guy. Her response, “Thank God, Pappy waited in the lobby.”
8. When pregnant with my first, I went in for a bikini wax. It was so painful I left with only one side done. Needless to say, for the remainder of the nine months, I had a ‘fro on one half and a buzz cut on the other.
7. Okay, bottom line, I don’t like to wear underwear with my yoga pants. They get all twisted and scrunched and stuck up my ass. So, one day, I do my whole class without noticing I have a hole in the crotch until the very end. It was like groundhog’s day but with a beaver––and I don’t like that expression. But it fits.
6. My mom reads all my books. She has a giant stack of my paperbacks on her nightstand. Honestly, I try not to think about that. Ever.
5. After my wedding ceremony, the caterer arranged for us to have a few minutes alone in a room with some food and beverages. Instead, I dragged my husband into the women’s room and had him hold up all the layers of puffy shit and lace and tulle so I could pee.
4. We heard, “Dad what’s this?”
And there was my son holding you know what.
“Oh, that’s a back massager…No, no…don’t use it!”
3. When we were newlyweds, my mom said on the phone, “I called you earlier, but you didn’t pick up!”
“I was in the shower.”
“Well, where was [insert hubby’s name]?”
“In the shower.”
TAKE that mom. Don’t accuse me of call-screening anymore.
2. A friend, who’s a spiritual leader, shouted “I love your books!” OMG, I ducked and hid behind a wall!
1. I said to my editor, “I can’t believe you added the C-word to my MS.”
“Um, not me. Take a look at your original MS. That’s all you.”
Scratches head, hmmmm, sometimes I can’t believe what flows from my fingertips.
Like this from Absolution Road: I leaned forward on my elbows, bowing my head between my arms as the severity of my situation returned. It wasn’t the time for hitting on the hot public defender or thinking about eating her pussy. I was in jail, and this was extremely bad.
NOW AVAILABLE!!! Absolution Road
About the Author
Rachel Blaufeld is a social worker/entrepreneur/blogger turned author. Fearless about sharing her opinion, Rachel captured the ear of stay-at-home and working moms on her blog, BacknGrooveMom, chronicling her adventures in parenting tweens and inventing a product, often at the same time. She has also blogged for The Huffington Post, Modern Mom, and StartupNation.
Turning her focus on her sometimes wild-and-crazy creative side, it only took Rachel two decades to do exactly what she wanted to do—write a fiction novel. Now she spends way too many hours in local coffee shops plotting her ideas. Her tales may all come with a side of angst and naughtiness, but end lusciously.
Rachel lives around the corner from her childhood home in Pennsylvania with her family and two dogs. Her obsessions include running, coffee, icing-filled doughnuts, antiheroes, and mighty fine epilogues.
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