Cutting breaks through my numbness, but only opens more wounds.
Depression, self-harm, bullying….that’s my reality.
Sex and guys….that’s my escape.
The space between the truth and lies is blurred leaving me torn, lost and confused. And while the monsters that live in my head try to beat me– the two men that I love try to save me.
This is my story of friendship, heartache, and the grueling journey that is mental-illness.
Sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…
I truly believe that books come into my life for a reason. They speak to you, lift you up, and give you messages that help you learn and grow. Therapy was that book for me. Kathryn Perez poured her heart and soul into this book and it spoke to me. It was a beautiful, sad, and a meaningful journey that I will never forget. Life is so hard. Life can hurt. It has so many ups, but at the same time, there are so many downs. The downs often outweigh the ups. You try so hard to stay positive, to think things will get better, but life has other plans. Sometimes you wish you can escape, but to where—you’re not sure.
This is Jessica’s story and her desperate fight to survive all that is thrown her way. Jessica is a victim of harsh, cruel bullying in high school. She counts down the days to when she can escape the hell her life has become. People are taunting her—they are vicious and evil. She cuts herself and uses sex to escape the pain, depression, and hopelessness that she feels.
“Sometimes I wish depression was a living, breathing, tangible being, so I could wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze ‘til all that’s left in her pools of darkness is nothingness, rendering her powerless to ever hurt me again.”
Jessica has no friends—no one to turn to. She writes poetry in her journal to release her feelings, but even that doesn’t help the pain she feels. She wants to be invisible, to barely exist. No matter how she tries to hide, how quiet she remains, the bullies are always there—the laughter, the taunting, the evil surrounding her.
“I have no one. I need someone.” ~Amanda Todd
Elizabeth and her clique of mean girls torture Jessica at every turn. Jessica wishes that they would just beat the shit out of her and get it over with—and she would let them if it meant the bullying would stop. But it’s not that simple.
“Don’t you ever just think about ending it all and sparing us the repulsion of looking at you every day? You’d be doing everyone here a service.” ~ Elizabeth
Elizabeth is the epitome of an evil, hateful bitch. I wanted to throttle her and rip out her vocal chords, kick her ass and feed it to her for breakfast. Never in my life have I despised a character as much as I did her. The self-loathing she feels must have been so deep rooted to transfer that much hate to another person. One night, she and her friends take things too far. They torment her, hurt her both physically and mentally and Jessica is left alone in the darkness.
Jace Collins, Elizabeth’s boyfriend and superstar athlete, is the one person who tries to save Jessica. He stands up to Elizabeth and her cronies for Jess and she sits and wonders what it’s all about. Why her? Why does he care? He rescues her. He wishes he had been there to stop them.
Jace turns out to be a friend—a pure, amazing friend who tries to make her see that she is worth it.
“I see you. You need to see you too. If you look deep enough, you will see a beautiful, strong girl that has the world at her fingertips.”
Their friendship blossoms and grows and they begin to develop feelings for each other. Jace is afraid to take their friendship to the next level. They are young, just finishing high school and he doesn’t want their friendship to end if a relationship between them doesn’t work out. He is her safety net—there for her when no one else is. Until he’s not. One night changes everything between them. Jessica is alone once again and is headed down a dark, dangerous path. She’s back to cutting, drinking, and sleeping around. Such an empty place. She finally winds up in therapy where she meets the one person who will help her turn her life around.
“We don’t meet people by accident. They’re meant to cross our path for a reason.”
Kingsley is an amazing, beautiful man. He is love, laughter, joy and beauty all wrapped up in one. He is a rainbow on a rainy day, a sunset filled with purple, blue, and pink lighting up the night sky. He is amazing.
“Listen to me right now. You deserve to have a man who falls in love with your mind, wants to undress your very conscience, and make love to your every single thought. You deserve a man who wants to see you slowly let down every wall you’ve ever built up. You deserve a man that will work hard for you until you let him inside your heart.”
How beautiful is that? I. Love. Him.
Life is a circle and paths are crossed once again when Jace comes back into her life. He can’t seem to let her go—even though he’s engaged, but does he have a choice? Decisions are made, hearts are broken, secrets are revealed. There is heartache, laughter, pain, healing, and soul crushing events that will leave you breathless.
Kathryn Perez has a gift. She wrote a beautiful, soul wrenching story that you will never forget. I am in awe. She gives you hope, speaks to your heart and gives you the gift of therapy in a book. Amazing!!!!
About the Author
Kathryn lives in her small East Texas hometown with her husband and two children. She is a music infused writer and self-proclaimed book junkie. When she isn’t listening to music, writing or reading you will probably find her watching her favorite sport, UFC.
Kathryn is also an anti-bullying advocate and avid supporter of mental-illness and suicide awareness.
About Author Kathryn Perez
* Watching UFC!!!
* Colleen Hoover books
* Acoustic guitar music
* Coffee, lots of coffee
* Quotable quotes
* Mumford and Sons make me happy
* Reading books that make me cry
* Crazy or funnty t-shirts
* Sleeping in and staying up late
Favorite Quote at the moment: “Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.”
Favorite Athlete: Tito Ortiz
Favorite Singer: Pink
Favorite Band: Mumford and Sons
Favorite Song: Fucking Perfect by Pink
Favorite Movie: Pulp Fiction
Favorite Food: Japanese
Favorite Drink: COFFEE
Favorite Candy: Choco covered raisins
Motto in Life: Be Yourself, Live with No Regrets & Never Let Anyone Break You